


Unsupervised

by Taliax



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, OOC Xemnas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-18
Updated: 2012-04-18
Packaged: 2018-01-17 12:03:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1386937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taliax/pseuds/Taliax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Xemnas unexpected leaves in the middle of a meeting, leaving Saix to keep the order? Crazy Eights, pranks, and Larxene rampaging, apparently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unsupervised

**Author's Note:**

> The plot bunny Xelac requested was “what happens when Xemnas leaves in the middle of a meeting.” Well, apparently this happens.

“…and then we will embrace the glory of Kingdom Hearts and be filled with the magnificent power of whole beings, rulers of the emotions that once ruled over us – ” Xemnas stopped in the middle of his monologue as his hair stood on end. The other members were so surprised that they actually looked at their insane leader. Well, the ones who were awake did, anyway. The ones who weren’t (ahem, Demyx and Axel) started to stir in their chairs, sensing the disturbance in the force.

“Oi, Xem, alive in there?” Xigbar asked through a grin.

Xemnas stood up in his chair with his eyes so wide they didn’t seem to fit his face and his hair fluffed out like a frightened cat’s.

“My void senses are tingling.”

Without any other warning, Xemnas corridored away. Silence ensued for a few moments.

“…Huh?” Roxas blinked in confusion, and everyone started talking.

“Can I go back to bed?”

“Shut up, Demyx!”

“Why are you so mean to meeeee?” Demyx whined at Larxene.

“Please be silent, both of you.” Zexion rubbed his temples, wishing that he had been allowed to skip the meeting and work in the lab with Vexen.

“They bring dishonor to our Organization,” Xaldin said.

Xigbar laughed. “What honor did we have in the first place?”

Xaldin and Xigbar argued, Lexaeus and Zexion exchanged a silent plea for order, Demyx complained and Larxene yelled at him more, Luxord shuffled his cards and chatted with Marluxia about tea, Roxas sat and stared off into space, and Axel laughed at the general chaos.

“SILENCE,” Saïx ordered in his second-most commanding voice (yes, he had a ranking system for his voices). “Superior will return momentarily.”

“May I ask how you know that?” Marluxia inquired politely, even though he would rather go up and slap Saïx in the face and tell him that Xemnas was an idiot and a terrible leader. Of course, it was always best to act traitorous farther away from members who would report such behavior.

“He doesn’t,” Xigbar answered before Saïx could come up with a reply. “Let’s face it. Our _beloved_ Superior has finally lost it.”

“I’ll second that.” Axel raised his hand.

“Lost what?” Roxas asked at the same time.

“Oh, just his sanity, mental health, the respect any of us might have once had for him…” Xigbar ticked the list off on his fingers, lounging lazily in his chair. “Take your pick.”

“I don’t get it.” Roxas crossed his arms, pouting. Why did he have to go to these dumb meetings, anyway? He never knew what anyone was talking about, especially Xemnas, though he got the feeling not many other members knew what Xemnas was talking about either.

“Hey, I’m gonna go get some sleep now,” Demyx announced and tried to open a corridor, but Saïx waved a hand and the darkness dissipated.

“We will wait for our Superior to return and continue this important meeting.”

“Don’t tell me you got anything out of that monologuing.” Xigbar chuckled. “Maybe you should go join him for his party in the Void, or whatever it is he does in there.”

Saïx shot him a glare but was mature enough not to reply. “Everyone will stay here and wait patiently.” He wished Xemnas had given him instructions for what to do in a situation like this, but Xigbar was probably right in that their leader was just insane. It was rather annoying that Saïx had to pretend to be loyal to him anyway.

“So… we just sit here?” Roxas asked.

“I’m gonna take a nap.” Demyx flopped over on his chair’s armrest and yawned. Saïx didn’t object since the Nocturne was at least still in the room, even if his consciousness wasn’t. The room would be better without his consciousness anyway.

“C’mon, if we’re gonna stay here we might as well make the most of it,” Axel reasoned. It was always interesting when the entire Organization got stuck in one place for a while.

“Anyone up for a game of poker?” Luxord shuffled his cards.

Roxas tilted his head. “What’s poker?”

“Luxord, I’m not letting you teach him to gamble,” Axel said bluntly.

“We don’t have to place bets,” Luxord said.

Axel still argued against it, and Larxene vetoed it so loudly that Luxord nearly gave up on the idea altogether.

“…Not even a gentlemanly game of Crazy Eights?”

Xigbar corridored over and sat on the armrest of Luxord’s chair. “You can deal me in, Pokerface. Nothing’s gentlemanlier than Crazy Eights, and I’m as gentlemanly as they come.” Xigbar grinned sarcastically.

“Anyone else?” Luxord asked, ignoring the sarcasm.

Surprisingly, Lexaeus and Zexion corridored to the space by Luxord’s chair and stood on platforms of illusions. Xigbar hung upside-down in mid-air to save space on the armrest for cards, and Xaldin grumpily joined in, supporting himself with a gust of wind.

“…I’ve never played a card game before,” Zexion admitted in a mumble.

“Don’t worry, we’ll teach ya,” Xigbar said.

Meanwhile, Demyx snored loudly, and Axel got that look in his eye that let Saïx know he was plotting something. The redhead corridored to Roxas’s chair and whispered his plan with dramatic hand motions.

“Axel, you are not to do anything that would be detrimental to this meeting.”

Axel waved away the order like it was an annoying gnat. “It won’t be.” He reasoned that nothing could make the meeting any worse when it wasn’t even really a meeting anymore.

“I dunno, Axel…” Roxas muttered too quietly for Saïx to hear.

“Be sure of that.” Saïx then turned his attention to Larxene and Marluxia, who also looked suspicious.

Axel took the opportunity to enact his prank. Dragging Roxas through a corridor to Demyx’s chair, he held three fingers up and ticked them down one by one.

“Now!”

On Axel’s command, Roxas flashed a bright light spark in Demyx’s face.

“D’wut?” His head jerked up in a daze, and Axel pushed him off of the tall chair while laughing.

“Ahhh!” He barely remembered to open a corridor before hitting the ground, but when he fell through it onto his chair, the momentum made him splat painfully, and he started crying.

“I feel mean.” Roxas hung his head in a way that made even Axel feel guilty, regardless of the fact that neither of them was supposed to be able to feel at all. He still didn’t know how Demyx was crying, but it had to be physical rather than emotional pain, or it could be fake tears.

“He’ll be fine, Roxas,” Axel assured him, poking Demyx. “You’re fine, right? It was just a prank.”

“I’m not fine.” Demyx sniffled. “But I might be if you give me some candy.”

Axel rolled his eyes. Definitely fake tears. “Yep, he’s fine.”

Roxas gave him a potion panel anyway, just to be safe. Axel finally took notice of the furious glare Saïx had been boring into him with.

“I will have to report this to Superior. You should be mature enough to – ”

“C’mon, you’ve wanted to bang Demyx’s head against a wall more times than you can count. That would’ve injured him way more than a short fall,” Axel reasoned.

“I dunno, Larxene’s banged my head against a wall a lot, so it doesn’t hurt so much anymore,” Demyx said, installing the potion panel and drinking it. “Falling does, though.”

Saïx ignored him. “That is beside the point, Axel. Your behavior is inexcusable, and you even pulled our newest recruit into it – ”

“Technically Xion is the newest. Get it memorized, Saï.”

Saïx looked like he wanted to bang his own head against a wall. “Enough of this nonsense.”

“Sheesh, you sound like my mom.”

“And you sound like a five-year-old.”

“At least five-year-olds know how to have fun,” Axel shot back.

Saïx sighed. “No, five-year-olds know how to act immature and start arguments like this one.”

“Well, I’m quickly losing respect for both of you,” Marluxia interjected, not that he respected either of them in the first place. Saïx and Axel both glared at him.

“Aw, Marly, you just ruined their argument!” Demyx pouted. “It was just getting good!”

“I don’t get it,” Roxas said bluntly.

Larxene raged about Roxas’s naivety, and Demyx turned to laughing at her instead of Saïx and Axel.

“Shut up, Demyx!”

“Aaaand we’re back where we were thirty minutes ago,” Axel said, propping his elbow on his armrest. Saïx sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I feel like a babysitter,” he muttered. “Or at least I’m imagining what being a babysitter would feel like.”

“Heh, I have to deal with that all the time,” Axel said. It didn’t really feel like babysitting anymore to him, but mentoring Roxas could still be a bit annoying due to his obliviousness, even though they were friends.

“What’s a babysitter?” Roxas asked.

“Anyone who has to look after you,” Marluxia said. “Could you please be quiet, Larxene? Nobody wants to listen to you rant.”

“Nope, not even Nobody wants to listen to you.” Axel grinned, and Demyx laughed at the joke.

Larxene rolled her eyes, coming up with a different topic to complain about. “I’m tired, let’s just leave already! I need my beauty sleep.”

“Hey, didn’t you tell me to shut up for asking to go to bed earlier?” Demyx frowned.

“She did,” Axel confirmed. “I’ll agree that she needs her beauty sleep, but I dunno if one night’ll do much good.”

“Shut up!” Larxene yelled, throwing her knives at Axel, who corridored over to Roxas’s chair to dodge. Snarling, she threw the knives in her other hand, and this time when Axel corridored away, they hit Roxas’s arm.

Roxas stared at the wound for a moment before pulling out the four knives with one hand. Then his glare turned to Larxene. He didn’t know a lot of things, but he knew that he didn’t like getting hurt, and he definitely didn’t like people who hurt him.

“What are you looking at me like that for?” Larxene spat, not caring that she had injured him.

“That _hurt._ ” Roxas summoned his Kingdom Key and stood up on his chair.

“Stop this at once,” Saïx ordered. Why couldn’t the Organization members be alone without their leader for such a short amount of time without trying to kill each other?

“Go, Roxas!” Demyx cheered. “Gimme an ‘R’! Gimmie and ‘O’! – ”

“Shut up, Demyx.” Axel summoned his chakrams. “I’m not letting Larxene use my friend for target practice.”

Saïx sighed, realizing he would have to break up the fight. He could barely believe half of the members were still playing Crazy Eights without any concern for the fire and lightning raining down around them.

The three brawling Nobodies took advantage of the empty chairs, jumping and corridoring between them as they threw magic casts, weapons, and insults at each other.

Marluxia watched Saïx’s attempt in amusement while Demyx cheered for Axel and Roxas. The Diviner stood in a chair between Axel, Roxas, and Larxene, shouting threats from “I will get Superior to throw you in the Void” to “I will halve your mission reports for the rest of the month” to “I will revoke your hair dryer privileges.” The only result was that Saïx’s coat became collateral damage. After trying without success to fight all three off at once, he went with a different solution.

“STOP.” He commanded in his ‘obey me or suffer my wrath’ voice (yes, in addition to ranking his voices, he also named them), which he knew would only stop them for a few moments. “Leave.”

“Wait, we can-?”

“Go sleep, eat dinner, beat each other up somewhere else, whatever you wish as long as you are not in my vicinity. This will not be on my head.”

“Hmph. So long, losers.” Larxene corridored away.

Axel grinned and clapped Saïx on the back. “Thanks, Saï! Not that I wouldn’t have beat her or anything, but I’d rather save my energy for a more worthy opponent.”

Saïx ignored Axel’s bragging. “Thank me by leaving.”

Saluting, Axel left, and Roxas followed him out.

“You can all leave,” Saïx announced more loudly. Marluxia and Demyx wasted no time in getting out, but everyone else was playing Crazy Eights, which apparently took up every bit of mental focus.

Saïx left them to their game. They’d realize what had happened when they were done.

The Round Room was completely silent for a few minutes – not even the sound of breathing could be heard. Zexion squinted in concentration, waiting to see if Xaldin could lay down his last card. The Lancer couldn’t play his nine of hearts on the five of spades that Luxord had played, so he drew out of the deck until he got a six of spades.

Zexion’s face lit up with excitement as he slammed down his last card, a six of diamonds.

“I WON!” He exclaimed, jumping up and performing a flaily victory dance on his illusion platform. “TAKE THAT, IMBICLES!”

Xaldin, Lexaeus, Luxord, and Xigbar stared at him, wondering if insanity was contagious. Maybe Xemnas had started a plague.

“Zexion, are you alright?” Lexaeus asked as he shook the smaller Nobody’s shoulder.

“Beginner’s luck has gone to his head,” Luxord said, summoning the deck back into his hand.

“Hmph. We can’t afford such nonsense.” Xaldin crossed his arms and glared at Zexion. In reality he was just annoyed that the Schemer had won out of all of them, even Luxord.

Zexion sat down again and reverted to his usual composure. “Excuse my outburst. I was caught up in the moment.”

“Heh, you should join the Poker League if you enjoyed this. New members always make things more interesting,” Xigbar said, confident that Zexion’s beginner’s luck would wear off and leave him an easy target.

“It mixes the odds around,” Luxord added.

“I’m not sure that is wise,” Lexaeus counseled softly. He didn’t want his young charge to get into gambling even if he was technically old enough to make his own decisions.

Zexion sighed. “We’re over-worked in the laboratory already. It would be best to limit our distractions.”

Xigbar shrugged with a grin. “You’re missing out, Lab Rat. Oh, in case none of you noticed, the meeting adjourned a while ago.” He corridored away.

Zexion blinked. “It did? I mean, of course it did. We were just finishing the game.”

Everyone else agreed quickly and left.

XXX

Saïx knocked on the door to Xemnas’s room, which led to the Alter of Naught, right after he left the meeting. “Superior?”

It took a good five minutes for Organization XIII’s leader to answer, but Saïx was used to waiting for him.

“Yes, Number VII?” Xemnas opened the door. Saïx stared at his black-and-white dress- uh, manly villain cloak. Saïx decided it was best to ignore his non-uniform outfit.

“The other members are curious about the cause of your disappearance during today’s meeting.” He didn’t mention that ‘other members’ included himself.

“I was late for my dinner date with Kingdom Hearts,” Xemnas replied simply. “Is that all? I have another awe-inspiring motivational speech to prepare.”

Saïx stared blankly. “I will leave you to your duties, then.”

After Xemnas shut the door, Saïx had a strong urge to turn and bang his head on the wall. Not for the first time, he wondered why in the worlds he had to suck up to a leader who was clearly delusional.

**Author's Note:**

> The Crazy Eights thing was inspired by one of my friends who says that it’s the gentleman’s version of Uno. :P Raberba girl inspired the dinner date thing and the Void references. Xelac came up with Xigbar’s nickname for Luxord, and I came up with his nickname for Zexion I think. She might’ve done that too, I don’t really remember.
> 
> Why didn’t Luxord win? I think Luxord would actually play fair, especially if they weren’t betting on anything, since no game is really interesting if you already know you’ll win every time.


End file.
